I love black thongs
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize