It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The chlamydia really affected his face.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
