after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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