I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
where are my eyebrows?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
