I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
