I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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