Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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