i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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