Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
