When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
