forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
