is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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