Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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