apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
