totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
