And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
