Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
