i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize