so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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