Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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