it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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