Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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