Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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