The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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