people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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