you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
