dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
