I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize