yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
