I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
