or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
