Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize