So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
