Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
