I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
