apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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