Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
