Welp...herpes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
