his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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