the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
and you fell through a lawn chair
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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