Do you still have your period?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
