I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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