bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
