I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
