New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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