I met the friendliest cop last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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