non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm too high and old for this...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
