worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
