6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
