dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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