Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
