u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
