Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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