and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
