Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
