I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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