At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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