I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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