I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize