There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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