Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
