Don't make out with my wife yet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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