Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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