i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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