well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
